Nov 1, 2010

Love Beyond Measure

That is truly how I feel about Zachary. I have such a bond with him, that stems from the amount of time I spent with him in the beginning of his little life.
Lately I have found myself lamenting the future for him.  I just keep thinking it must be a bad dream, one that has lasted over a year...
If you read my previous posts, you can see Zachary is doing why all this ridiculousness?
For the most part I can live in a world of bliss, enjoying my baby doing baby things. But every time I lay him on the floor and wonder when he'll start crawling or change his diaper to help him get the poop out, I'm reminded of the what-ifs and unknowns. They are weighing on my mind more than usual these days. 
I want to keep him in a bubble forever, not have to let him go to school, wondering how he'll do interacting with other kids, if there will be anything that will set him apart from the other kids (other than his cuteness of course!) will he be the topic of conversation among parents or teachers...
It's hard enough being a kid, you never want anything else to make it harder. 
This may be a silly analogy...but I feel like someone trying to get pregnant and it's not happening, and I'm given the advice to "just not think about it"...and yet every month you get that little reminder that it didn't work again.  I just feel like I'm always being reminded and I don't know how to just enjoy the now.
It's just driving me crazy that I have this fantastically easy, squishable, giggling, bright eyed, happy baby, and all I can think about how this is all going to play out.

Well enough of worrying about the future...
Not when you have cuties like these hanging out in your house :)


  1. Look how big he's getting!
    I wish there was a secret that I could share to somehow magically take away the worry...
    Are you going to Bloorview on Thursday for group? We'd love to see you!

  2. OH, soooo cute!!! I know, how do you ignore the worry? Everytime I hear a story about bullying, I wonder what school will be like for Kingsley. I hate the worry!!

  3. This is a definite unknown journey. I have so much anxiety about what the future holds for K that is makes me lose sleep, literally.