Mar 2, 2011

I have spent the last 20 minutes typing and retyping what I thought was going to be a quick post. One reflecting on Zachary's arrival home 1 year ago. And part of the retyping was because I started that post last week when the actual anniversary was, but because of an awful stomach bug it was put on hold.

And now I sit here not sure how to sum up that arrival one year ago. But it was the beginning of the family we are now. The compromises, the growing, the love, the tears and I hope we are better for it.
I want to be better for it. I don't want to be jaded towards life, I don't want to be so consumed by my own family that I miss helping those around me. That's where I am right now, trying to juggle my own craziness, afraid I'm missing out on impacting someone for life (and not that I think what I do will ever have such a lasting effect, but I want to try like it would) Because right now I feel like I'm doing nothing. Living in this bubble of appointments and trying to breathe in between them, trying to get my 4 year old to legibly write his name, cleaning up puke from my 6 year old, going to work and some how convincing my husband I am not supermom (but still want to be referred to as such).

I am blessed, blessed beyond what I deserve. Growing up, if you asked me what I wanted to be, I would have told you a wife, Mom and missionary. I have accomplished all 3. There are very few people in this world who actually get to say they are living their dream. A dream, I am living my own dream and yet somehow feeling like I'm not succeeding at it. Maybe it's just been too long of a week, doing too many loads of puke laundry, too little sleep while trying to convince my immune system to start functioning at full force.

I sit hear listening to nighttime coughs, wondering if they will wake a sleeping baby and if I should prepare for another round of midnight laundry, but know I am blessed and will strive to start impacting and blessing other people.

Playing dominoes together

Sitting on the Potty!

Zachary always looking for someone else's food...