I belong to a group on Facebook called United by Spina Bifida. There are all kinds of people on there whom have some sort of connection with someone born with SB. I'm not really active on it, but I like to have a look when I log on to see if there is something that pertains to me. Earlier this week there was a posting from another Mom who had struggled with the diagnosis of her child and wondered if it had affected anyone elses faith like it did hers. While the posting made me think of how my faith was affected, that's not what stood out for me...a grandmother posted a reply talking about Jesus healing the blind man.(John 9:1-12) In the story his disciples ask Jesus who had sinned, him or his parents. Jesus answered them by saying neither had sinned, but he was born this way that the work of God might be displayed in his life.
It was like a light bulb went off.
Let me tell you, I never once struggled with my faith in thinking I no longer wanted to have a relationship with Jesus...but I certainly asked why, I certainly wished for another way, I certainly prayed for a full healing, but my faith at the core did not shake.
But for the first time I felt like it wasn't my fault. I didn't even realize I had put that much blame on myself until it was gone. I would love for Zachary to have a healing-the-blind-man moment in his life some day, but as far as I'm concerned the glory of God has never ceased to show in his life. From the very beginning we have had miracle after miracle and I forever want people to know what an Awesome God I serve.